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Sunday, May 27, 2012

End of School Year Thoughts

Friday was the last day my girls spent in kindergarten.  We had a grande graduation ceremony to attend and once I sat down in the sanctuary I felt so many emotions swirling around in my heart.  I felt sadness, relief and joy all mixed together in a hotchpotch of end of year jitters.

Once I saw Fudge's teacher breakdown in tears reading little messages written by our girls and boys to tell her just how much she meant to them, I had to walk away;  biting my lip until I got it together.  I had to squelch the great flood of emotions that welled up when she cried openly and honestly; shaking with raw emotion, while my daughter stood next to her with a big smile looking up at her teacher with love and a strength that I could not muster when she read her little note "What I liked best about Ms X's class was learning about God's creation."

I wish I could calmly have placed my arm around her and tell her everything will be OK, but I knew I would've sobbed alongside her; sensing the intensity of what she felt alongside mine.  I felt torn and wanted to understand and feel the gravity of it all.  I wanted to feel the pain.  It felt appropriate to question myself, to allow myself to feel lost and wondering, but I also expected myself to get up, take a breath and move forward.

So I hugged her and told her how much she meant to our girl Fudge, because she did.   It was the conclusion to a chapter in our girls' education and we are moving forward towards another.  If we decide to make changes I will allow for it to happen without judgement or regret.   We are not perfect, but I expect myself to do my best and to have faith in God while squarely focused on raising our girls the best we can.